i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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