Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
