Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
