i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
