she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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