I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I need a beard to bite.
You ate ashes out of my bong
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
