turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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