I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
