I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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