I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
