Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
