I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
