What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
