people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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