he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
