We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
