I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
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