thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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