you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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