mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I don't deserve a penis
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
