just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
