I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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