I puked a lego.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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