I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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