saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
