Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
