Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I want her autograph on my taint
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
