NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Come share oat with me in your robe
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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