Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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