i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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