I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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