saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
