Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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