I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
