I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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