i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
