my mouth tastes like poor choices
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
