You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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