I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
