I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
And the cops told us we were all naked.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
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