Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
