I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
