Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
