what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
