I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Randomize
