how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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