So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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