i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
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