The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
