Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
