no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
