dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
