i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
