Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
