**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
